If she's objecting to something, check yourself. If you have tight fundamentals, persist.
Today we’re going to look at how to handle objections from women.
We’ll do this by breaking down a post from the Skilled Seducer forums.
By the end of this post, you'll know whether to persist or desist with an objecting woman, and how to persist properly where you can.
Seduction As Sales
Seduction is essentially sales. You are a salesman, and you are the product.
Like any good salesman, you want to create a strong sense of “need” in your customer.
You want to clear a path for the buyer so they don’t run into game-stopping objections.
In a seduction scenario, the goal is to leave the girl wanting more of you: more time, energy, attention, validation, excitement, and so on.
But there are always objections.
She may feel that you are not a good fit romantically, sexually, or practically: “He’s cute but unemployed.”
Most objections aren’t set in stone. They are malleable, meaning you can change her decision if you dismantle her objections properly.
Think of objections like water flowing down a river. If it gets caught in a dam, you can always lift a few rocks and provide alternative routes for it to flow.
The Alternative-Looking Cutie
Today’s case study involves a man who struggles to create enough attraction in a girl he approached and then fails to counter her objection.
He did a lot right too. Let’s take a look.
“Hi fellas. I street-stopped an alternative-looking cutie yesterday, opening direct (after passing her and then looping back).”
Nice! I love to hear about men taking action, approaching beautiful women, and creating better lives for themselves. Good work. If we ever meet up, I have a beer with your name on it.
“I won’t detail the entire interaction, but we got into a long conversation (around 5ؘ–10 minutes) where I teased her about her multiple earrings and tattoos, got logistics, did quick deep dives/made her qualify, and so on.”
Two Minutes Minimum
In a day game approach, two minutes is the absolute minimum.
Most guys eject after less than one minute because they suck at verbal game. “I didn’t know what to say” is the usual excuse.
After five to ten minutes, you’re doing very well. This is a solid hook.
Make sure to aim for an instant date. Consider this escalation. You must always be seeking the next step up the ladder toward the bedroom.
If she’s willing to give you ten minutes of her time, she might be willing to give you an hour. Otherwise, you risk boring her as you stand in the same place with a conversation that isn’t going anywhere.
“She seemed more involved as the conversation went on and showed more intimate compliance, like turning and showing me her earrings when I asked, and explaining about them after I probed, letting me get closer so I could see them.”
Using Jewelry for Touch
Many guys try this gambit and get stuck on it for way too long.
Sure, it’s a great excuse to touch her, but there’s no need for you to pretend to be super interested in her jewelry.
Don’t be the guy asking her five minutes’ worth of boring questions about her rings. “Where did you get them? Oh, cool. So, you like gold more than silver? Oh, they’re fake.”
She may have nice earrings, but making a huge deal out of them in order to touch her comes off as weak.Instead, make a comment like: “Cool earrings!” Touch her hands, then move on.
You want to get to know her, not her jewelry.
Signs of Interest?
“She didn’t, however, show overt signs of interest. Her logistics were free, so I should have pushed for the instant date (as I did with a girl last week, will detail in my journal later), but I set a false time constraint and said I had to get going. Before I left, I confidently said I’d love to find out more about her and that we should grab a coffee soon.”
Most guys look way too much for signs of interest. Many women won’t even know they like you until it happens. Like lightning: “Oh, I think I like this guy.”
I’ve hooked up with women who I’m sure didn’t even like me until we were kissing.
You’re right about the instant date. Often, the difference between a yes and a no is simply the amount of time spent together. It could be that moment when you made her laugh or said something intriguing.
The more time you spend together, the more likely that lightning burst of attraction might occur.
If you must seek signs of interest, look for:
- Playing with her hair
- Licking her lips
- Holding deep, lasting eye contact
- Laughing at jokes that aren't funny
- Asking you many personal questions
- Touching you
- Nervous fidgeting
False Time Constraints
A false time constraint is better suited for night game to buy yourself more time. “Hey, I have to get back to my friends soon.” It tells the girl: “I won’t bother you all night; I’m not a needy loser.”
In the daytime, a time constraint is not necessary. All you need to buy yourself more time is an instant date.
“At this point, she apologized and said: ‘I’m sorry, I’m actually taking a break from men for a while.’”
When you get the “Oh sorry I'm not dating right now” rejection, you know you failed to generate tingles.Translated from girl-speak, this reads: “You’ve just been rejected.”
Nobody takes a break. They just wait for the best option. When no suitors measure up to their standards, they wait.
But, eventually, all single women grow lonely and start combing their prospects.
You want to remain one of those. That’s why you must always be closing. Get the number, social media, email.
“When I probed deeper, she told me she had just gotten out of a four to five-year relationship and that with COVID-19, she was enjoying the time finding herself.”
Lots of women are finding themselves alone at night with their vibrators.
“I tried using some bait by saying: ‘It’s a shame you had an experience that made you feel that way, but it’s awesome that you’re using it to now find yourself. But if you chance upon the right man, sometimes it can change your life in a lot of unexpected and amazing ways.’ Probably me qualifying myself too much. She kept apologizing.”
You don’t want to sell yourself as a potential boyfriend. It requires too much investment on her part. You want to keep things casual.
Even if you approached her directly, with a compliment like: “You’re very attractive, and I had to meet you,” you should still make it look like YOU are the chooser. You are screening her, not vice-versa.
“I know if my fundamentals were better, I wouldn’t have gotten this objection, but I’m curious to know if you guys have any responses to this that would have made her reconsider?”
You don’t really know what’s up with her. You’re not psychic. The only thing you know is what happened.
But, in general, if you have great fundamentals, you will pick up girls with less stress and slightly fewer rejections.
Fundamentals
What fundamentals make a difference?
Let's review.
Body Language
Stand up straight, shoulders back, hands out of your pockets, solid eye contact, and no fidgeting.
Vocal Tonality
A strong, loud voice, as deep as possible, masculine tonality, and no uptalk with more breaking rapport than seeking it.
You know your tonality is right when you don’t sound like you’re asking a question.
“Hi?”
“How are you?”
“Oh, that’s so cool!?”
Fitness
Not too obese or ridiculously skinny. You don’t need to have a perfect body either. It just helps if it looks like you put some effort into staying fit.
Fashion and Grooming
A good way to know if you have any style is if you get compliments.
When was the last time someone told you how well you dress? That your haircut is cool? If you can’t remember a time someone complimented your style, you probably don’t have any.
Style is important because it’s a high-status lifestyle indicator. It indicates you care about your appearance and have social intelligence.
Hint: blazers look good on everyone.
Another hint: gym shoes look better in the gym.
This isn’t a difficult fix. Find a good hairdresser and someone to help you go clothes shopping. Or if you’re self-motivated, ask the people who work at the trendy stores to give you some tips. Be adventurous.
Pro fashion tip: the less comfortable the clothing, the more fashionable it probably is.
Positive vibe
You’re not nervous, twitching, fighting approach anxiety, worried about people hearing or seeing you talking to girls. You’re not worried about not knowing “what to say” or coming off as creepy.
Once that’s all gone, all you have left is a calm, positive, outgoing, slightly cocky, and assertive demeanor that women find irresistible.
Focus on your positive thoughts, and discard anything negative, cynical, or fear-based.
If positivity doesn’t come easily for you, realize this will be a lifelong process. You will need to develop a happiness strategy.
Charm
Add all this up, and you are officially a charming guy.
Charm is that amazing ability to make people feel comfortable and attracted to you.
It’s something you most definitely want to develop. So, keep at it.
“I’ve gotten this a few times after dates, obviously as a result of not handling the date as well as I could have and maybe coming across as too boyfriend-y. In the meantime, while I continue working on my fundamentals, a fun response to this would be appreciated! I’ve been trying to think of something funny and flirty but have come up short.”
Her Objections are Temporary
Here’s my advice.
When a girl tells you that she isn’t looking for a boyfriend, tell her you don’t want to be her boyfriend either.
You can befriend a girl without the added pressure of appearing like a potential suitor. This will take the pressure off and allow her to feel comfortable and let her guard down around you.
All you need is some time and familiarity.
You could invite her out for a friendly coffee, or to an art show, or whatever interests you. She may think it’s a date, but it’s not. You’re just hanging out.
Invite her out for a coffee in a casual way so that it doesn't seem like you have a romantic interest in her already. Then, if the opportunity presents itself, work your magic.You could invite her to a party to meet your friends. Sure, one of your friends could hook up with her, but that’s okay with you.
Her objection is this: she knows you want her romantically. So, assure her you don’t. Even if you’re attracted to her, it doesn’t mean you have to be her lover. You can be her friend.
I know you’ve heard the advice that you should never put yourself in the friend zone. This is a bit advanced. Making friends with a girl is a longer game, but with many benefits, if you have the time.
Women usually date friends as they’re more comfortable with people they already know, rather than strangers.
I’ve countered this objection before. I’ve made friends with women, and months later, we’re sleeping together. If not her, then with one of her friends.
Conclusion
I love answering these questions. If you have any, ask them in the comments below, and if they’re worth an article, I’ll try my best to respond.
Good luck out there.
Tony
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